y'all! My husband did this amazing thing! He linked ALL our electronics into this program that sets parameters on usage. Mostly so the kids can't happen upon something inappropriate. Also because they don't self regulate and one is CLEARLY struggling with being addicted to electronics. ALSO, because my son's OCD sneaks in easily with Youtube. He's just not there yet for self monitoring. And let's be real. I can't just wander from child to child to see what they are doing all day. I have my own stuff to do! It's all great until...
I have tried to get on and post a blog for a week and finally realized that my work computer was lumped into the wrong category and I couldn't access blogspot! Ha! My hubs didn't even know I had a blog I don't think. It's sort of just a non-event. Maybe one day it'll find the right people, those other parents or grown ups who need to feel a connection with someone who has and is also going through it with Tourrette's, OCD, ADHD, mood disorders... It can certainly be very draining! But for now, it just sits quietly on the internet... happily let free from my own head. It's cathartic, what can I say?!
So we are still here. We had this magical week wherein I didn't want to breathe for fear everything would go back to the way it was... You know what? It did and it didn't. I know! not helpful, but hear me out! So, the moods and cranky uncooperation did return, just to a lesser degree. The battles are there, just not as intense and constant. Like a mentioned to his main therapist, you really can't nor should you try to medicate the issues out of him. How would he learn to self regulate? All he would learn is that I can take a pill for all my problems and this CAN lead to problems for sure down the road. One clinician mentioned upping his meds next month and I can see that, but the other said they like him where he is. I see that too! I suppose another month and time will tell!
So we trek along. We stink it up often regarding our sensory homework. I long for better consistency and I never stop trying, but so far, it's still a struggle. And I can tell a difference! I wish I couldn't. I really do. I wish it was no different those days that I remember to take breathing breaks with my son and do the full body squeeze, cause honestly that would give me an excuse to skip. A reason to let go of that effort. But, I can definitely tell a difference. He is more "neuro typical" when he gets that sensory input in. BUT I STILL find it hard to work in. Sigh. Us momma's we aren't perfect.
Can I just say... I am on lexapro and I let the Dr. up it cause as much of an improvement as I could see, I really felt like there could be more. And you know what? that instinct was on point! Seriously. The light is coming back into my face... and it had crept away so slowly that I didn't really even notice! But what I am noticing now is the feeling of a smile! And how much more often and more easily they come! I'm noticing playfulness with my spouse and kids that I guess had disappeared! I am noticing because of its rarity the feelings of tension and anxiousness! It is beautiful. I know all about being present in the moment. But I never fully felt like I was that good at it. Tonight as my brood devoured mexican at a restaurant, the smallest member of the 6 of us sound asleep, limp in my arms as I ate, I took it all in. The craze of it. The joy of it. The sweetness of the moment, I attempted to intentionally log in my brain that has its own form of memory issues. I loved it and I rarely LOVE eating out. It truly is such a chore with a large family!
We are not in the clear. But we are in a great place. We are working and we are each week looking toward the next therapy day! But we are pressing in! I am meeting in a moms group, and though I have not fully gelled with the moms there yet (mostly cause their issues are so different from ours since their kids are significantly older than mine) I am finding ways to make the connections and let them benefit out lives here! Some of their advice has even worked with potty training my 3 year old lol! And that is huge if we are headed toward actual real pre-school next year! It's a must really.
Send positive thoughts and prayers this way on Tuesday as we try and solidify insurance things with my hubs and the company! This could be a huge financial blessing on our journey! I will likely do a post on that next so stay tuned! There were for suer moments of desperation regarding finances and our son's special needs!! Heads up ladies! We are not finished yet! The world hasn't seen the half of what we bring to the table! We aren't just mommas!! We are mother superiors!!
