How important it is for the heart to see a future. We all desperately long to see with our eyes what is to come... but that isn't how it works! Seeing, for me personally as a woman of faith, becomes something we do with our hearts and maybe a bit with our imagination. It is trusting that the pieces that are missing right now will indeed be found and put in their right place--and might I add, without fully seeing the end picture! I call it faith and I can not help but think of Jer. 29:11...
"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future!" (the sentence structure is most assuredly mine as I stink at grammar and that exclamation point is definitely how I feel about this declaration from the Lord).
Thank heavens. I can REST in that. Life is most certainly a whirlwind, no? I mean, as soon as you think you've unwound the mess, you find that it's swirling all around you again with tons of things, once again, up in the air! It's been like that here for a solid 13 years (that would be my entire parenthood so far)!
All that to say... I won't bore you with the details, but the end results and realizations have been great... and ironically scriptural. Everyone has an innate need to paint for themselves visions of the future. With out the future, we start to lose hope. Without hope, comes depression. HOPE is essential... to life, to living... for mood, for forward movement in life... for productivity and satisfaction.
Stagnation is not a place that the world wants to be. I do believe our creator made it that way. Comfort. Contentment. Yes, those are "places" that we should try to find our way to. But believe it or not we can be comfortable and content in the midst of the whirlwind. In the midst of the ever moving toward a goal. And I am finding that ability to not simply survive, but to look ahead and begin to paint a picture of a future. I must say it is life giving, refreshing, joyful! It's the most obvious step beyond survival mode... that space where sooo much of special needs mothering lives and breathes!
Excited about the steps beyond survival!
Saturday, September 23, 2017
Saturday, September 16, 2017
Oh the Irony
I don't write as often and in a way I love that... then in a way, of course, I miss it. So, when I hop on to steal a moment of writing, I check in on my last post. It's a way of remembering, or putting myself in the position and thoughts/feelings that I was channeling at that time.
Wow. Just wow.
I was explaining (quite in a manner in which I would speak) the reasons that August really triggers a bit of cynicism and PTSD in me. But you guys!!! It's half way through September and if I didn't know better, I would definitely think it was August! Ha! Except... my mood. My processing and progress has come so far that what I can and will list for you as the constant barrage of "life" arrows that have been flung at me, hasn't sent me very far in the wrong direction! I'll break it down. Here's what I mean.
September was to be such a lovely thing. A month I had been looking forward to and planning for for so many months! 10 I think. Longing... longing and dreaming wistfully toward this blessed month! I could shrug off August cause I wan't much a fan, AND my bday is close enough to September that I could use this nearly free 9 day vacay with my bestie as an excuse to call it my Bday celebration!! Whoop Whoop! Yes, you read that right. 9 whole days! Out of town! No kids! Barely any phone service! Oh my word! She and I had both decided that our entire plan for the vacay time was to eat, sleep, laugh, and read. Secretly I planned to learn as much as I could!
But it wasn't meant to be. Hurricane (yes I see the theme) Irma decided she would thwart our plans entirely! Entirely! Meaning NO vacay AT ALL. NOTHING! There is still a smidge of let down in my heart, but just a bit. There is the thought that I ought to be more frustrated or angry... but I'm not. It's weird. But NO that's not all...
Somehow... me the non-outdoorsy type managed to contract Lyme disease from a tick bite just before we were to leave. The tell-tale bullseye rash appeared and thank heavens for it, cause otherwise I might be dealing with more of a lifelong chronic lyme issue! But for real! I don't love sweating in any circumstance. I don't find a ton of joy doing hiking, fishing, climbing, boating... Something I'm often forcing myself to engage in simply because in my head I know that it is good for my health both physical and mental! And yet, I somehow managed to acquire a tick from my back yard likely that bit me and caused lyme. Yes, to heavy antibiotics. Yes, to careful listening to my body. Yes to cutting out almost all sugars. Yes, to that including dairy and gluten. The only good new here is that I'm crossing my fingers that balancing my body and its alkalinity will allow the spirochetes to die off AND hey, I'll probably lose weight!
I'm good. I've had all the September I can take! I look forward to packing in some last minute work cause heaven knows I'm behind! I look forward to seeing Parkaire friends and family Tuesday... finally. There is good still to come, but truly if September had turned quickly into October, it wouldn't bother me at this rate!
Wow. Just wow.
I was explaining (quite in a manner in which I would speak) the reasons that August really triggers a bit of cynicism and PTSD in me. But you guys!!! It's half way through September and if I didn't know better, I would definitely think it was August! Ha! Except... my mood. My processing and progress has come so far that what I can and will list for you as the constant barrage of "life" arrows that have been flung at me, hasn't sent me very far in the wrong direction! I'll break it down. Here's what I mean.
September was to be such a lovely thing. A month I had been looking forward to and planning for for so many months! 10 I think. Longing... longing and dreaming wistfully toward this blessed month! I could shrug off August cause I wan't much a fan, AND my bday is close enough to September that I could use this nearly free 9 day vacay with my bestie as an excuse to call it my Bday celebration!! Whoop Whoop! Yes, you read that right. 9 whole days! Out of town! No kids! Barely any phone service! Oh my word! She and I had both decided that our entire plan for the vacay time was to eat, sleep, laugh, and read. Secretly I planned to learn as much as I could!
But it wasn't meant to be. Hurricane (yes I see the theme) Irma decided she would thwart our plans entirely! Entirely! Meaning NO vacay AT ALL. NOTHING! There is still a smidge of let down in my heart, but just a bit. There is the thought that I ought to be more frustrated or angry... but I'm not. It's weird. But NO that's not all...
Somehow... me the non-outdoorsy type managed to contract Lyme disease from a tick bite just before we were to leave. The tell-tale bullseye rash appeared and thank heavens for it, cause otherwise I might be dealing with more of a lifelong chronic lyme issue! But for real! I don't love sweating in any circumstance. I don't find a ton of joy doing hiking, fishing, climbing, boating... Something I'm often forcing myself to engage in simply because in my head I know that it is good for my health both physical and mental! And yet, I somehow managed to acquire a tick from my back yard likely that bit me and caused lyme. Yes, to heavy antibiotics. Yes, to careful listening to my body. Yes to cutting out almost all sugars. Yes, to that including dairy and gluten. The only good new here is that I'm crossing my fingers that balancing my body and its alkalinity will allow the spirochetes to die off AND hey, I'll probably lose weight!
I'm good. I've had all the September I can take! I look forward to packing in some last minute work cause heaven knows I'm behind! I look forward to seeing Parkaire friends and family Tuesday... finally. There is good still to come, but truly if September had turned quickly into October, it wouldn't bother me at this rate!
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