I'm a non-medicater... I'd just rather avoid it if I can in most cases. I have a tendency toward the crunchy way. That said, I'm not a full on Granola Bar. I can see that natural things and medicine can work beautifully hand in hand, and I'm thrilled that especially when we need it, we have the option for medicine and excellent Dr care.
That said, I love my child. Love him exactly the way he came to me via the ultimate Creator. He came full of surprises and energy. Full and I mean FULL of words. Mood that swings like the pendulum on an old cuckoo clock (only to be honest I wish it were that predictable). BUT I have a lot of logic and foresight. I can see that down the line, EVERYTHING that I have tried or had tried up to this point will not likely be enough to bring that boy to his best place as an amazing young man! I can see that sitting back and letting him mature anymore without some further interventions will put him academically further behind. Not because of intellect, but because of behavior, because of processing speed, because his mental and emotional and even social development has reached the stage where interventions are crucial.
And we can see that. And we have tried all the things. We have tried spankings (useless by the way), repeated time outs (which we still do), we have yelled, fought, cried... we have tried different schools, different homeschooling methods, we have changed curriculums and we have employed a Certified Behavior Analyst to come once a week! Nothing works or seems to work with consistency.
So we came to this in depth evaluations place for more than just the base line diagnosis of Tourrette's and what we were fairly confident was also ADHD. After sifting through our diagnosis, we landed on the decision that the anxiety may be the trigger for most of the other behaviors, so if we can take the edge off, maybe he can learn some coping skills for it and maybe many of the other behaviors would ease a bit. So, hesitantly, we began the lowest dose of Prozac. This drug has been around so long that it's an easy one! It's been studied and the side effects are pretty well known. And it worked. At least it started working. You could definitely tell a difference in the anxiety level. It really was like someone sanded off the rough edges. And the tics subsided too. And overall more even temper emerged. There was just one problem. That whole minimal percent of people that have an increase in suicidal ideation... Well we were one of those. My precious son, for no good reason, simply wished he would just not be on this earth any more. Maybe he just wouldn't wake up. Y'all. This is not OK.
His Therapist is superb. Seriously. And His wording on this was precise. He was concerned but not alarmed. I felt the same. There was no violent thoughts and no planning. But no person should have those thoughts, let alone a child. And certainly not my child! So we watched it for another week, and then made the call to stop the meds cold turkey.
We hadn't even been on them long, but the difference in medicated and non medicated was blaring! Back came the tics with avengeance... and the mood swings. I definitely saw a precious boy who was defeated. He was tired of fighting. He said daily living was simply too hard. Everything was a mental battle. He just didn't want to do it.
So here we are again, trying a new/different med. A terrifying med to his mother the non-medicator. I scare that a brain altering drug may change my kid somehow. That something that makes him unique will dwindle! So, I entered into this with lots of prayer and consultation. And research.
It became increasingly clearer that the anxiety was actually being triggered by OCD. My precious one has MANY intrusive thoughts and obsessions... not so many compulsions thankfully. BUT I don't know that I realized JUST HOW MANY we were dealing with. I'm starting to piece it together in my own head, that a great deal of his daily struggles involved just trying to shut these "sticky" thoughts down. He needed a silent head. A mental peace. Rest!
Here is where my precious boy and I prayed for a solid 20 minutes fervently that that stupid half of a blue pill would give him the help he so desperately longed for and bound from him any unwelcome side effects! And we watched (and went on vacation of course). And we noticed a lower energy level. A general ease of attitude. More cooperation. More kindness. Less repetition of instructions. It's like he can hear and compute on nearly the same speed. It's only been the first 4 days and we've only done a half dose, so with a nervousness and a prayer he swallowed that whole pill tonight and we watch and observe over the course of this coming week. Everyday, a Pill and a Prayer till we see where this takes us. Right there with you mommas! In this together!
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