I'm a meds avoider. Maybe it is my skeptical nature... my general distrust for larger entities. Who knows. But I feel like, if I can avoid the Dr. and his meds, I'm generally better off.
Well, that is not entirely true. I do value meds, because sometimes it's the best we have here on this earth. But in general, we have avoided labels, diagnoses and meds for years. Truthfully, we have watched and intervened along the way as best we knew how. Until... It became increasingly obvious that we had done all we could and all we knew and still were at a crucial point of moving my son along in his development in ALL areas; social, educational, emotional, spiritual...
And here we are. Playing the Medicine Game. I'm sure that I built up the angst in my mind for years technically, but I was super over concerned about meds and it too greatly affecting my son and his precious personhood! But there comes a point when anything is better than nothing and TRUSTING your expert specialist is so important and such a relief!
I can not say enough good about our Psychiatrist and it is not lost on me that the entirety of us being able to see him is really no coincidence but rather the construct of a loving heavenly Father (and a fantastic earthly mother and grandmother). Really the list goes on, but it lands with us having THE BEST psychiatrist around who specializes in the disorders specifically plaguing my son. And we have seen him enough to enjoy his mild manner with just enough personality to convey gentleness and understanding and maybe even fondness, and just enough boundaries as are necessary of a physician of this type. I find him caring AND careful and a breath of fresh air! So if he recommends but does not pressure a certain med, that recommendation is going to weigh heavier than your average physician.
So we played the game. Tried the first med. helped a bit. Upped it. helped a bit more, then came the side effects. Concerning, but not alarming, we watched another week. So alarming that hospitalization procedures were discussed (in my gut I never saw that happening and it didn't)! Meds were stopped. Immediate reveal of what the meds had been helping with came flooding back with the med cessation. Saw Dr. New med determined. Discussed with therapist, hubs, my mother just to weigh the decision out. Funny how you know what you are going to do almost immediately, but you still need to go through the process of weighing it all out.
Started new med (supposed to be temporary 3-6 months), seemed ok. A bit drowsy, but definite improvement in certain areas. Upped the dose according to the instructions and obvious sedation occurred. Excellent Cognitive therapy session able to take place because the intrusive thoughts were basically shut down, but too low key! Tried to wait it out for up to 3 months, but didn't last 6 days at that small but whole dose. Contacted Dr. 2 days before Christmas and he said to half the dose and then maybe quarter it. Again with the game, we go from whole to half dose and commit to stay there for at least 4 days before possibly decreasing it again! The first 2 days after that change were quite moody. Almost hormonal. Weepy is not the usual way son behaves. But we observed that this was its worst when he was hungry. So new goal was to NOT allow tiny human to get hungry!
Now 3-4 days back down at that half dose and we see a slight return in intrusive or obsessive thinking (hopefully not a significant or debilitating increase), but his demeanor and energy stays pretty much in a nice "neuro typical" range.
He seems so much more like himself. Less hyper. Still with some easy frustration. Still with some unwanted thoughts, but seems he may find them easier to dismiss (as far as I can tell). Still near the beginning of the game. Hopeful at this point. Feel like we may be getting close to a temporary sweet spot in the case of meds, but only time will tell.
Still not a fan of meds... When he whines about not wanting to take it, I want to cry and whine back...I promise i want to. But I don't. I remind him that those sneaky sticky thought ninjas are not the kind of intruders we want to allow to have free reign, so we are shutting them out on lock down with our amazingly small half of a blue pill for the strict purpose of going through elaborate and extensive combat training on how to deal with that enemy without the actual danger of intrusion. That way, in due time, when the meds are done and the protective shield is lifted and those crazy sticky thought ninjas start trying to sneak in (cause lets be honest, we all get unwanted thoughts out of left field and even not so out of left field) he will have trained so intensely and effectively that he will be equipped to deal with them with great success!
Press on mamas! It isn't easy! Raising one of Ours is a special gift that is taking extra training for all of us! Don't forget to take breaks and when you feel like quitting, just rest. And when you have rested well enough, get back in there! I'm in it with you! Let's not grow weary!
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