So all of us who still actually blog know that it is cathartic. It's the reason I started blogging nearly 10 years ago with Momma's Mercy, and it's the reason I come back to it over and over. I apologize if this is more like an online journal, but we are sorting through some very difficult things and I feel certain that we are not alone. So, I pray that you find something encouraging even in the tough posts. Something that reminds you that you, too, are not alone.
I have a son with needs. Special or otherwise, they are there and there are a lot of them. To the rest of the world he appears like the most fun, silly, smiling boy (except when he's not). Then he just seems like he might be a bit immature (which is of course true, but for reasons beyond anyone's control at this point). He has ALL kinds of labels, which I avoided forever cause I hate them, but there comes a point in a mom's life when she has tried it all and exhausted everything she knows and every piece of advice that she could find from books, friends, relatives and the like, and she goes in search of those labels after all... to bring clarity. This is my journey. My 8 year old boy is one of 4 children. He's the second born and surrounded by sisters! Bless him. But he has Tourrette's Syndrome which is the only label we have known for 4 years or so. BUT we started to see that there might be more.
My mom is the one actually. She lives a solid 8 hours from me and always wants to help, but that can be rough over so many miles, so she does things that I can't seem to find time for as a mom of 4! She researches--and she does it well! AND she prays (and sends money to help when we need it cause, y'all, special needs is expensive)! And she found Parkaire Consultants in Marietta, GA. From hence forth, I feel certain I will end up referring to it as ATL (Atlanta) cause that has been my habit in conversation up to this point! We have been working with Parkaire for 2 months I guess... time slips away a whole lot now that my brain is on overload. BUT I can simply start off by saying this, Everytime we go, I feel hope. I see work, hard work, being done by many people for my son! In fact, I feel such a peace while sitting in that waiting room, that I long to stay, as if staying would make the progress speed along faster. But that is not how these things go. Slow and Steady wins this race.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, everytime, on that long ride home, the heavy blanket creeps over me, and I grieve. I feel the weight of the tasks and the work ahead and I try not to let it tighten in my chest like a panic attack. I put on that smile and be goofy with my child, and I remember that God is even working in this. But it's a constant battle to take those thoughts and fears captive. I barely even allow my brain to go there; to wonder if I'll have the energy or the joy. There is no sense in it, cause the hole then just starts to feel deeper and darker. And the truth is, I already have been given hope AND assurance in Christ. So, I press on. Fight the fight set before me, knowing that though I stand here in body, Christ is here in Spirit, and it is He who fights with us.
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