Off the Beam

If you've ever heard or read some of Jen Hatmaker's stuff, you have probably heard the discussion of what is going to be taken on or off the beam.  Let me break it down for you right now.  The balance beam.  We are all walking around trying to do and hold onto all this stuff, but life is supposed to have a beautiful balance.  And when it doesn't it knocks us into a very out of sorts space emotionally, spiritually, relationally, even physically.  The whole thing pretty much ends up looking like a nervous break down if left out of sorts or pushed further out of sorts for too long.

Well, I'm about 2 steps from that space... the super unhealthy one.  The part that is keeping me going I think is the knowing that I made at least some of the choices and messes, so surely I can undo some of the problem.  That still remains to be seen.  I'm pretty much maxxed out.  so much so that as I look at my beam to see what can be removed, I can only see the things which would normally bring me so much joy as being the ones I can remove right now.  Um what?  Leave all the stressful pieces and remove the things that would be full of fun?  Yeah that is not a good space.

But fun can be stress too.  My job is a heck of a lot of fun!  But it brings a striving that can get off balance for sure.  What I'm certain I need is 2 fold.  2 weeks of mindless fun with my husband in some place where it is impossible to think of or contact people about the kids!!! AND at least a week or two in my home with out the kids, so that I can bring it back to some sense of balance!  Of course the likelihood that either of those things will happen is pretty slim.

But as I hang on, I do see trips away with people I enjoy in my future.  Away is an escape I realize.  Being real, that is exactly what I'd like.  Away.  I want off this crazy train at least for awhile.  I need a pinch hitter. ha!  Parenting in general is not for the faint of heart!  Parenting a neuro kid or 2... whew!  We are a different breed ladies!  I feel like as we look at one another, their should be some special aura around those of us that are still standing after the invisible (at least to the outside world) battles that we have been fighting. Whew!

I realize this post is mostly speaking straight from my head with very little processing, but we've all been here.  It's ok.  I will find my way to center...eventually.