Mean mom. Sigh. Y'all go ahead and join the club. I didn't start it and I won't be the last standing member. Gotta do what we gotta do. You know kid, you aren't supposed to be my bestie. The faster you learn it, the more peaceful our living together will be. If I had known it was going to be like that today, I'd have started a tally system... set a goal to see how many times you would call me mean! Maybe reward myself with a bubble bath when we hit our mark?! I love a good reward system.
Well I think it's pretty common with "our" kids for us parents to start to slip on what we will and won't stand for in our environment. Truth be told, we are TIRED! Am I right?! For real. When I say that the 3 year old pushing every boundary thing lasted 2 full years if it isn't still going a good 5 + years later!!! Y'all I did my first in that full on 3 year old fight stage for almost exactly 6 months. It was textbook. I promise. I even went to the library and checked out a book and followed it. And it worked! Well supernanny! That's a wrap. We rock as parents and we've got this in the bag!!
NOT!!!
I wish that was true. But #2 was a boy and #2 was a surprise... I mean I was there for my annual visit and had literally the weekend before sold off all the baby and maternity things! I was going to ask about an IUD. Yeah. Ummm... But he was a delightful baby! Big. But nothing about his emotional growth was "normal" once we hit 3. That's when the tics started. Deep head bending blinking. And my hubs noticed it before I did! I mean it's not like I stayed home with him daily, but he noticed it first! Pffft! So we watched and waited. We mentioned it at our well visit. Watch and wait he says. Very common transient tic disorder... should go away. Well it didn't go away. In fact, vocalizations came next. A gasping very disturbing, grating sound came. The first time I noticed it we were in the car and I immediately worried that he was choking.
Then came the explaining, first to him and then to everyone else, teachers/childcare workers, etc! But we began to notice that his behavior was significantly more erratic when his tics were more severe. Wish we had known then what we know now! But that's not usually how it works.
So it came that we did this managing on our own without a ton of support and help. But I will say that consistency is not my forte. I can do it for a push. A season of focus... then I tire. And truthfully, when I'm tired my patience is shorter and I yell more often. Not my favorite trait but real none the less.
NO EMOTION... EVEN KEEL. This is what I was told by the therapist. To be very real it may have been suggested that I over react (let the records show that this is only true some of the time and that by over react he literally meant pay attention to and show emotion toward my kids behaviors--he did not mean screaming, pacing, throwing things etc.) Apparently my kids feed off of my response and continue behaviors that I abhor. Not that this is a surprise... I'm just thinking that as much as I ignore their reactions and over the top dramas, I just figured they were barely paying attention to my low key minor reactions. Apparently I needed to work on my poker face! And so I work on it. I get it wrong lots, but I get it right also!! And you already know I'm not a quitter!
So Colonel Mom is living here currently. Some unacceptable disrespectful things had snuck in and been ignored. But that won't work. You can't trust someone that you don't respect. And my son has trust issues. He NEEDS to know for sure who is in charge. Helps ground him and keep his behavior in check! Does his neuro get in the way? sure. But there are consequences. The world is not going to care about his neurology. They won't. So I'm not doing him any favors by coddling him. I'm going to love him like crazy and be his biggest cheerleader. I'll cry with him too, but just for a time and then I will push him to get up again and have another go! Hard is worth doing. Nobody likes hard. We all want easy, BUT there is a fantastic satisfaction in accomplishing hard things! A pride and confidence. And heavens he needs that.
Mean moms unite! The club is legit and you NEED to be a part of it. Our children NEED us to be their mean moms. Well their moms at least ;-) and not their friends.
No comments:
Post a Comment