My son was easily set off from the beginning. We always joked that he had a short fuse. My mother in law said my husband had one when he was little. It's really all we've known. There is this constant egg shell thing. What's going to set him off. Do I avoid it to spare us all, or do we just do "normal" things like every other family and just let him deal with it? Still asking those questions.
I'm on anxiety meds myself just from the constant turmoil that goes on with his emotions. It's obvious. I know in my heart of hearts that he will end up on mood stablizers. I know it. It makes sense and he needs it. We need it as a family. I don't like it. I hope it isn't forever, but if it is... then it is.
It reminds me of those medical cases where in they have to not finish a surgery and let it rest, let the patient improve, become stronger, before they can go back in and finish the work. This is where we are. And it's ok. You see self improvement, social skills, life coping skills, self control, emotional stability, these are all so much more important to over all health and adulthood that it must come first right now. It must.
I'm not 100% certain that we aren't also dealing with medication upset with the anger. I'm not 100% sure it doesn't have to do with all the therapies and work we are doing weekly. Y'all, if you've never been through therapy personally, then you wouldn't know. It wears you out. There are periods where you are confused and you don't know if you are getting better or worse. There is anger. There is sadness. There is release and there is pressure that builds again from all the new emotions being explored. It's exhausting. Truly.
My son is there. This morning it's 10:40 am and we have yet to even begin school. Oh we will get it done if we have to school tomorrow. They're called consequences. But we are practicing that. The behavior/consequence pattern. I remember it from pre-school... the 3rd time. I almost pulled him out that time too, but I have an amazing sister who said, leave him and let him figure it out. I'm glad I did too, because that teacher is still one of my best friends! But that's another story. He would act out in class and be sent to the corner. And sent to the corner and he would not follow directions in the corner so he would stand there for ages until I was called. Me and his very baby sister would come up there and his eldest sister who was homeschooling at the time would come up there, and we would sit. And he would practice standing with his nose in the corner. If he broke silence or acted out, we would start his 5 minutes again! We would do it till he got it. Y'all I have pulled over on the side of the road and had a time out!
These times, they wax and wane. I'm not sure if it's just the nature of it or if I get lax from exhaustion, or what. But there are times when we have to be all over him and we all hate it. I assure you. We ALL hate the punishment. Right now he is acting out in anger. Threatening. making ugly faces, saying ugly words, kicking things. This is unacceptable neurology or otherwise. He will not have success in the real world if he is allowed to behave in this manner. Thus consequences every single time. Every. Single. Time. Yes this is tiring like every thing else. But it is necessary. And ideally it puts us closer to our goal! Him moving out and being a productive member of society! No really. I have to constantly remember.
Right now his consequences have to do with him bringing me boxes from his room. Remember, we are in this Obsessive time with making arcades and what not out of boxes and the collection of boxes and scraps is taking over. Well he is hating this. Hating it. But it is necessary on so many sides. Necessary. So I'm dealing today with the backlash and the anxiety that comes with it. I'm the mean one. Kill joy. Whatever. No, babe. I'm the mom. I'm not your friend, but I love you more than any of your friends ever will. So much in fact that I am willing to take the ugly stuff you throw when you are angry and don't feel like putting your tools into practice yet (you will get it...it will come with maturity and practice), and I will press on with what you need and not just what you want. Because it makes you better. Like relocating a joint that has become dislocated. It will hurt on it's way back in, but it will get you to a better place. The place where you were meant to be to operate at your best!
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